woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my sisters under your porch take her home
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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