Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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