My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
