Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
