My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
