I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
