i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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