dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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