I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
