I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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