I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
only you would photoshop your dick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
