when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
