Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
