Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
