Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
