There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
