the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its about making memories worth repressing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
