what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
