Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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