I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
