you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
