This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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