she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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