Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
