that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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