remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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