omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no you cant smoke seaweed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
