I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
