I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
