umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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