Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So vagazzling was a success
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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