We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
