There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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