ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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