I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
