He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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