I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
