You can't special order awesome
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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