I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
a search helicopter?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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