I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
