the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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