her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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