If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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