party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
