Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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