Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I intend to get homeless drunk
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
