I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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