I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
