I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
