my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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