rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
