My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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