Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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