We named our party play list daddy issues
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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