I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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